Facing the child with loss (death)

” Do not cry to me, no, because if you cry I die … instead, if you sing to me, I always live, and I never die …
(Son Istmeño) ‘La Martiniana’

‘When the penalty reaches us, for a lost brother,
When goodbye pains, seeks in faith his hope;
In your word we trust, with the certainty that You,
You’ve already brought him back to life. You’ve already brought him to the light. ”
(Religious song) ‘Death is not the end’ ‘

” Behind this door. There will be peace, I am sure.
And I know that there will be no more tears in the sky.
Would you remember my name? Everything would be the same again
If I find you in heaven?
I must be strong and continue my life
I know that I do not belong to heaven yet. ”
(Song Translation) Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton

I chose this theme, because of our recent Mexican tradition of ‘Day of the Dead’ and to head this column, I decided to use three songs from three different genres (folkloric, liturgical and rock) as the most important theme of the song. lifetime; If, paradoxically, death is the most important part of life and although it is difficult and painful, it is necessary that the child understands the meaning of it.
Loss is something that throughout our life, we face constantly; From the moment of birth we live suffering losses. More undoubtedly, the most difficult of all, the most painful, sometimes unbearable, is that of our loved ones; And ironically, everyone, some others late one early, but all one day we have to face it.
About 18 years ago, I was in France; And a French friend and a German friend, they took us to a cemetery (almost tourist site) where are tombs of famous personages; When we touched the subject of death, they told me that “it seemed very good, how to take the death of Mexicans; Because in Europe it is a taboo, a tremendous prejudice; That, as if fearing him and avoiding talking about it, could be avoided; And that hiding it from the children, they would not suffer, but Mexicans are more realistic and strong. “Obviously, I liked that concept. A few years later, here in Guadalajara I went to sing at a first communion, accompanied by some Russian friends (Jews) recently arrived in our country. At the Mass, during the homily, the priest asked the many children in attendance who of you is going to die one day? And all present raised their hands, including all the children; And when the father made his apology from heaven, eternal life and …. Death, before my companions, I grieved and blushed a little; Then two of them, (of Russian nationality) told me ” Good! We like this very much about Mexico: to teach children to see death naturally “and they also alluded to the taboos of Europeans. This made me confirm the idea, that it is better for the child to speak to him clearly, about all things, especially on that point so transcendent that it is: loss. Also long ago, I read a famous child psychologist, who said that one of the advantages of children having pets is that, as unfortunately, their life is shorter or more fragile than that of humans, when The animal dies, the child learns to deal with the pain of losing a loved one, less violently, than when he is a loved one. Of course, this does not mean that we are constantly touching the macabre subject; Nor that we should force the child to see dead, pain, tears and suffering. That is not healthy; Even less those obscure actions, almost of necrophilia, at funerals, forcing them to kiss the deceased. Moreover, on a personal level, it seems to me to be healthy, adequate the recommendation, of – when the deceased is not directly familiar – avoid as far as possible, take the children to burial or wake. As it is practiced in the hospitals and with the patients in terminal phase or in serious condition; Even if these are the same children.

Octavio Paz says in ” The labyrinth of solitude: ” The Mexican frequents death, mockery, caresses, sleeps with her, celebrates her, is one of his favorite toys and his permanent love. ” More is not that Do not fear; He fears and despises her but he venerates her ” And so it is! Although we have the same fear of anyone (from anywhere in the world) and although the loss of our loved ones, it is the most painful that exists and we do not want our children to have to suffer ever, no matter how hard we try … We can avoid it. That is why, in the face of this circumstance, personally, I think it is better, to prepare our children, to face the pain of the loss of their loved ones and to enjoy them while they all live.


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Cantante de ópera, profesora de música y de historia. Orgullosa mamá de tres y abuela de siete.